Remedies for the Heart

With the clock ticking every second and movement being the characteristic of time, it's fierce repercussions are brought on to the heart especially to the one who's sensitive and without any work or responsibility. How should this movement be justified by one's action is a constant source of confusion but there is none when there exists action of any sort. Hence, action is the only remedy for an existentially aching heart. We think a movie, our favorite music, will do the trick but it will only continue to do so for when is lasts. There is a return of the mind to the point where it was before the intervention, hence the only solution is getting work done. Running away from one's work is like floating in a pool of anxiety, which continues to rise until it finally drowns the individual. 

A little boy was sad that he did not get his favorite present on Christmas so he brought all of his vengeance within him to school and started bullying others since he was physically imposing as compared to his classmates. He started believing he was in the 'naughty list' and all hell started breaking loose at once. His parents could not understand what could have ticked their child off after hearing ruthless soundings of complain from his teachers. When confronted he broke down and said "If Santa thinks of me as a 'naughty boy', then I will show him how naughty I can really be". The Santa is our own expectations that we have of ourself, even a slight 'falling short' leads to such nasty repercussions that we become the 'naught boy'. Procrastination, is the most used term of the decade and probably worse than laziness. Knowing what you have to do and continuing to not do so is a tragedy. That is the beginning of the aching heart.

A romantic heart ache is a whole another ball game altogether. It is shattering and more devastating that an existential heart ache, Here, you have found this 'perfect person' who's like a light in your life. You attach yourself to that light and learn to read, walk and live in that light. The comforts of that relationship take all your doubts away and make you feel 'not lonely' for at least a few moments. Those moments shared become the highlight of your day and slowly and steadily take up a huge amount of space in your life. When there's no reciprocation of that intensity and passion, the relationship eventually fails leaving the one 'who loved' devastated. That heart ache is terrible and is difficult to move on from. Mostly because, you're not just dealing with the absence of someone with whom you experienced great intimacy but also a host of other problems. How to go back and revert to that state when the mind has gotten used to something more exciting, novel and extravagant?

In such cases I feel, only time (movement alluded to in the first paragraph) can help heal the possible wounds. The first few months are the hardest but it gets easier every month until eventually the time spent with that special person only remains as a faint memory. Music, movies, novels. spirituality - anything might help! But we do move on no matter the magnitude of the heart ach experiences. Hence, time, action and faith are all remedies for an aching heart. 

Family is everything

Children are the future! and the job of parents is to make sure they build the necessary environment for their children to flourish. The goal of reproduction is facilitate the evolution of humanity. Yet, there remains so much bickering between the young and the old. A family where all individuals are thoughtful, conscious of other's needs and accommodating is truly unheard of especially in 2022. There are times when the little misunderstandings keep compounding and eventually there's a release or a blast of all the unexpressed feelings and rage which materializes in the form of fights, arguments and other all out wars between family members. And so it is hard to imagine or reflect upon the absolute necessity of a family! It's all about the individual, isn't it?

I look at my Mom and I'm so proud of her principles and conduct. Her discipline, rigor and social graces are almost perfect to a fault. I cannot imagine how on earth, does she do so much for our lazy asses all the time. She loves the family. On the other hand, my father is a difficult man to live with, who is often consumed by his short temperedness which is fired upon unassuming people. He's extremely sociable and is beyond extroverted and that's why it will be hard for his friends to believe that he is irascible almost always, except when he's enjoying his drink or he's genuinely happy about something. I wish I could've solved the puzzle to understand that why is he the way he is but some things remain beyond our control. I am fearful of him, not of him but of his reaction which is generally something that's vile, illogical and loud. Whenever he responds like that, it sounds like someone hurling abuses. I wish our relationship was such in which I could be more open and relate my ideas and experiences which are in vast abundance to him. Sadly, as I observed all of this while growing up I shrank in my shell, not wanting to get out, waiting for the storm to pass not realizing that the storm is most of the times made by my own mind. 

The idea of a 'perfect family' is quixotic. Between family members- misunderstandings, confrontations and fallouts are common. If you are at peace with the different of opinions that exist within a family of four and can still complete the familial responsibilities with honest intentions and love, then you can indeed call yourself a member of your family. Otherwise, it is just not! Despite the above rant about my father, I love him and he loves me. We might never say it out loud but it's know to the both of us and I will continue to take care of him till god permits me to. The point is, it's going to be messy! but it's a good mess, the one that makes us laugh wildly, giggle incessantly and feel joy tremendously. I love my family and would do anything for them!

Call it Magic!

As kids, we were all left in a stupor when we witnessed a magician or a performer showcasing a series of flawless and impossible tricks. We called it magic! It was astonishing, riveting and exhilarating, how could one bring about a bird out of thin air or escape from an improbable situation without hurt? Leaving us confused, not knowing the trick was: beautiful, it brought about an aspect of the sacred and the unknown which was vast and downright blasphemous at times for our little brains. However, as life moves on and we grow up, the charm of magic slowly fades away into oblivion. Reason, logic and its counterparts govern our thinking and believing in the impossible is only for day dreamers with a lackadaisical attitude engaged in irresponsible behavior. Magic is forgotten. Causes and Effect dominate, the scientific temperament developed through education motivates us to not believe in magic and see it as only a trick! 

Magic! at first glance is the inexplicable conversion of energy which seems to be an illusion or plain legerdemain. However, the quest to go beyond limitations of all kinds to bring about a result that one earnestly yearns for is not a trick but an awareness of intricacies that only a few are capable to reproduce. Magic and Miracles are not very far from each other, miracles are unexpected and a chance product whereas magic is forceful and expected! Of course, to the one partaking and involved in the quest and not the average gongoozler. Magic as we see on television channels, YouTube and Movies is also brought out from the same idea! These serious magicians are admirable as it's always about getting better at something that unperceivable for others. To even come up with new and exciting magic tricks is also an example of the human need to 'push' further and with such a force as to leave a mark of some kind. Getting better than yesterday is what we strive for and magic is bringing about that process in reality through steps.

Magic is everywhere! Until we figure out everything and even then it will remain so. The world feels like a magical place in the first place! How do I even comprehend death and after life when the very life in which we live is an adventure that is unexplored. Magic is going beyond what's been said or written and then digging deep to use that knowledge, creating a wonder that arouses the mystique in those who come across it. Magic is contagious! Love is Magic until we experience and see for ourselves for what makes love, love! There is so much to explore and much to do, or much not to do. Only a child like wonder at the working of life will help us peel and face some of it's truths which help us to progress. What you become will be a mystery to others.

Rain Rain 'Don't Go Away!'

A rainy day is a replenishment of nature, helping 'the necessary' thrive all the while washing away 'the unnecessary'. We start our days by getting wet; scrubbing the dirt, sweat and oils off of our skin. There is a palpable feeling of being refreshed and ready to take on the world and everyday responsibilities. The advantages of cold showers are also well documented. You can tell that when someone refuses to take a bath, they are holding on to some memory and refusing to move on with everyday life. Hence, the homeless, drunkards and depressed hardly shower. They do not want to feel refreshed as they are caught up in the cycle of self deprecation and have found security in it which feeds their distorted identity. Water also clears us of odor, the lies and faults we make leave a stink and it's essential that we wash ourselves and clear us off this as much as we can. In the Hindu Culture ('Sanatan Dharma'), taking a dip in the holy water of the Ganges frees the person of any sins they've committed in this lifetime. Also, after a person's death the 'body' is burned and the ashes return to water. According to the Pre-Socratic Philosopher 'Thales' - "All things are form water and all things are resolved into water". There's a reason 70% of the body is water!

I particularly enjoy rainy days and have never felt irritated in the least by the obvious inconveniences it causes. Sitting outside in the porch, reading a good book, is a day to be savored. Not just sitting indoors, I make sure to get wet every now and then. Walking shirtless here and there or even playing basketball when it's pouring is not a sight uncommon to my friends and family; I make sure that the raindrops bounce off me head, tickle down my arms and wet my clothes. A natural shower, sent by god himself, why waste such a tremendous opportunity? I'm also lucky as I have the privilege of living near the mountains. The sight of the Himalayas is one to behold, the lower proximal mountains sparkle in a tinge of green, soothing the eyes. Life flourishes on a rainy day, I'm sure the birds enjoy their equivalent of 'Chaai-Pakoda' during a tenacious shower. It's also a time which makes you feel more intimate and nostalgic for some reason, childhood memories come rushing and certain passions are stirred up in your heart.

Ask the importance of 'Rain' to a farmer and he might recite an impassioned ode to it. The romantics are also on their best behavior, perceptible to little changes continuing to take place. Rains are a blessing for mankind but they do take a rather savage form in the face of floods. That is also a replenishment in a way and a natural weeding process. Ultimately, we all have a special connection to Rain and let's not forget to admire it's character and charm whenever we come to witness it. Rain gods have my undying respect, pour over my heart and spirit again and again.

Real communication

Communication between two beings is more then just small talk, advices, venting, instructions, gossip etc. but a real connection that provides security to those involved in the process. This security is what helps open us up about our deepest fears, troubling thoughts, traumatic experiences and our unfulfilled desires, future dreams, revealing insights. Rarely, do we find people in our life with whom all of this can be shared, communication gaps are more prevalent than we think they are. However 'shallow communication' is not useless as it paves the way towards building rapport and nourishing the relationship towards 'deep communication' which is a space that is unjudging, free flowing and vast. A lack of sharing of these innate thoughts makes one feel alone than he/she usually is and can only foster imperfect aspirations and flawed perceptions about one's own narrative. No one is as crazy as they think they are, especially when everyone's mental health is a joke right now. It's all about meeting new and more 'interesting' people but how about renewing and rekindling relationships with one's old friends and relatives? I believe the bigger the family, the more happier everyone is, as there is a higher probability of you connecting with at least one of the family member or someone from the extended family. 

Why does communication help us so much? More than any kind of rationalization or self-motivation? When we are floating in the depths of our minds and observing the irregularities in our thought and behavior, we generally become angry or frustrated with oneself. We are always trying to 'be' someone and when you're trying to be someone, you will nevertheless come up short every now and then. This coming up short can create such resentment that it keeps building up slowly and slowly and one is left with no option but to be consumed by it. However, talking it out and can help you show that it is as much a natural and common phenomenon as 'farting in workplace'. No need for so much stress in your mind and tightness in your body, it releases a little every time you let it out almost like breaking up a knot in your muscles. Therapy is what you're doing when you listen to your friend with your complete attention and do not judge, give them the space to share what they're going through and validate them, give affirmative responses and help them help themselves. Close and tight knitted circle or group of friends is priceless. Hence, loyalty is the biggest virtue in a friend to aspire.

Seeking external help or therapy is only required when one is truly alone with no one around to talk to or in extreme situations of grief, trauma, stress where talking with friends/family is not helping and one's situation is just deteriorating. However, the therapist is no authority figure, no God and certainly not your Boss. The therapist is just like your friend, sister, brother etc. who gets paid to listen to you. Listening is an art much like public speaking. You have to be engaged throughout and not listen to come up with a reply or to to bring forth a rebuttal of some kind but listen as a human who can relate and feel to an extent what that person is going through. Good listeners are the most valued human beings and should be protected at all costs. They're more likely to be introverted or shy but that does not qualify one to be a good listener, they have an equally short attention span as extroverts. Hence, one should strive to be a good listener and give the gift of listening to people we love and care about.

There were so many things and topics that I thought that are meant to remain inside my mind because as a guy you are supposed to hide your true feelings and keep moving forward. But, it was only in the company of good listeners and in the space of real communication that I recognized: nothing is off limits! you can be as honest and real as possible even if the idea is gnarly, offensive, disrespectful, demeaning to someone. It is the truth no matter how much you try to deny, call a spade a spade and not sugarcoat it and present it in some other light. Hence, communication i.e. real communication mends our broken hearts, soothes the oozing angst in our spirit and reestablishes our faith in humanity. 

Joie de Vivre

Experiencing life is ultimately experiencing joy. There are instances of such great intensity and passion that one is lost in the experience itself but there are also everyday mundane activities that provide stability and predictability: Neither of them is joy. Joy is the result of understanding the ephemeral nature of activities, the cyclical nature of history, the relentless murmur of the mind and still continuing on the path laid out for one. The understanding of continuing to persevere in the face of sorrow or great calamity without internal turmoil can only manifest through a sincere, genuine and natural reflection. Why be serious in life? When nothing is really set in stone, anything can happen at any time and for such an unpredictable concoction, why worry at all? Even if someone is a believer in fate; things will pan out the way they are supposed to, how can fretting about it help? Such is the working of nature and we need constant reminders to not get too lost in the games we play with ourselves and with others. 

Watching a sunrise is joy, climbing a mountain is joy, playing with a dog is joy, spending quality time with friends and partners is joy, laughing till your face hurts is joy! Pleasure is only a physical and psychological sensation that feels good, joy is a spiritual sensation that satiates our humanness. Like  emotions and mood, joy is contagious. The 'good and positive vibes', 'calming presence', 'wholesome aura' are all synonyms that refer to the joy that a person or a being radiates. When you come in contact with it, someone deprived of joy is really attracted towards it and moves for it. Being in the presence of someone living with joy and experiencing that joy is not some hocus-pocus, spiritual jumble but a very real experience. It's like the sun, always shining irrespective of the time, day and location. It is the energy that is available for everyone to seek which sustains us spiritually. 

I know of a few people, very dear to me whom I respect with all my heart and spirit. They have been through a great amount of tragedy and have come face to face with trauma at a very young age yet they are the ones for which 'Joie de Vivre' is the motto. Anyone who comes in contact with this joy is left touched and feels the overflowing joy. You cannot but smile and listen to the internal music. Maintaining that joy and passing on the torch of kindness to everybody around is what we want to progress towards. Kahlil Gibran said that "people who aren't good are not evil; they just aren't good". No one is without joy or underserving of our love and touch, it's just that circumstances have been built around them in such a way that they are unable to see this part that is ever present, like clouds over the sun. A warm greeting to a fellow acquaintance, patiently hearing and validating a friend, asking how someone is doing, not taking someone's insult to heart are all manifestations of this joy. Smiling outside and inside is Joy.

The Sound of Silence

In a 10 day Vipassana course; one of the important vows is that of silence. You are asked to observe complete silence over the course of the retreat, hence communication with any other person there is a strict 'No'. When there is no outward expression of our thoughts through words, you tend to realize that you see them more clearly than you usually do while during expression. Before attending the camp I was unfazed by this vow the least as I knew that I could cope with not speaking far better than others but around day 4 or day 5 my mind was seeking an expression in words and when it did not find so, the images surrounding my thoughts became more vivid. Silence for me is then the removal of distractions so that the other activities or the background processes that are always running are more visible to the user. These background processes might contain answers to why the software glitches or what is wrong within the system. Gandhi was a staunch believer in the transformative power of silence and so every Monday, he took a vow of silence and maintained it without fail despite the circumstances. He believed that any kind of restraint is good. Not putting words to your thoughts is also a form of restraint as you see how easily influenced you are by the thoughts that possess us all the time. They seek expression in words, behavior, interpretations, attitudes etc. but not providing them that expression puts them in the limelight of our attention. By thoughts, I do not mean the necessary, instinctually built in thoughts that help us survive and prosper but those that bog us down, breed competition and reduces self esteem and degrades experience. There are all kinds of thoughts that we have but it is in our control to choose the ones on which we act and that is why the idea of having no free will is doubted. There is a movie called The Sound of Silence which is about how an hearing impaired child deals with insurmountable troubled conditions. Unable to speak, the boy founds solace with a monk who teaches him introspection and Buddhist meditation. The boy's gentle nature is constantly challenged by his abusive father who blames him for her mother's death at childbirth. The father is an alcoholic who is emotionally cold and distant and has great contempt for his own child. To witness such depravity is overwhelming and I cried a river while watching this movie. Now, here is a child who has gone through considerable trauma, with no friends and social support, not enrolled in a school and has no outlet for all the mess he has around him. Yet he is sweet, kind and lovable. He has no way to express what he's going through neither he can connect to anyone and yet he prospers in the end. Silence is sound but of inverted frequencies, one which you can only listen with your heart. We are so wary of it that we have created a term called 'Awkward Silence' and with the explosion of earphones, you can always see people wearing those two wires in their ears while going on about their job. The opposite of what should be done is being carried out and enjoyed- constant stimulation. Silence also holds power, great leaders and thinkers were terse and laconic. Stoics considered it to be a virtue. True connection between beings is not created through sound but through silence. When in silence, you can exist naturally and whole heartedly with another person, know that the relationship is consummate or on the right track. Our culture offered us a chance to listen to the sound of silence but the message has got lost in transmission and what's left is some watered down techniques of maintaining silence through meditation. What does this mean? Should we throw away the ear pods and the Bluetooth speakers that we bought with much delight, of course No! but it does mean that incorporating silence in our everyday life in any form can only help us listen to sounds that are not attuned to our ears.

Introduction

 "Death's gotta be easy coz life is hard" - one of the lines sung by one of my favorite rapper Curtis Jackson a.k.a. 50 cents. What intrigued me most from the very start were the questions pertaining to life & death, easy & hard. There exists an apparent dichotomy in almost every thing we understand and arbitrary classifications seem to guide our perceptions and eventually our behavior. However the question remains, Is life really hard? 'What is life' is then the most obvious question that stands out if we continue on this mode of thinking. Is it the internal life that is built of our private thoughts, personal memories and individual narrative or the outer life which is physical but unpredictable and shared by other people and organisms. Which life did the buddha allude to when he said that 'Life is Suffering' and herein the problem of language arises. We do not agree on the color of the tie which goes with a blue shirt, agreeing on the meaning of words is far detached from this especially the context in which words are expressed are out of reach. What do we do then? Should we use analogy as a reasoning tool to expand on what we mean or do we use art to provide support and evidence to our arguments? Why should we even communicate when we know it might be a futile endeavor as what can one possibly gain even if someone truly understands our construal of life and the challenges, experiences and the joys that come with it? Yet, almost all of human history is about passing on that wisdom that one lives  and sees to one's kin and to the masses in some cases. There is this implicit psychological security when we can meet someone in a place where there is complete understanding between the two. Who should we listen to then? In a world of information overload, there are one too many blogs, YouTube channels, twitter threads- everyone giving their two cents on what life is and how should one live it! Numerous lists lists like '5 habits that will change your life', '10 habits of highly effective people', '3 Keys to happiness' dominate the social media sphere and there are some religious followers for each such proposition claiming to benefit from it. They all hope that something might trigger or something might change in them which will open a door within themselves for some 'magic' to happen. You never know what thing could bring someone out of severe depression or someone going through a period of mourning. You just don't know and so in that hope that something might help someone at some godforsaken point of time is why people continue to shell out their life advises, guides, sermons etc. Welcome to simple shit! A blog about life, with life and for life. This is not a guide but a reflection on some idiosyncrasies, imperfections, and illusions of life. Something we all go through, every now and then and what makes us similar to everyone around us and binds us together for eternity. I have no authority neither expertise to write on 'life' but I do have some level of awareness which all of us possess. I'm neither an existentialist nor a stoic. Neither a rationalist nor an idealist. I am but life itself.